


The Pseudodragon

by Rased



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: F/M, Fantasy, Role-Playing Game, Swords & Sorcery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 14:39:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14083119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rased/pseuds/Rased
Summary: Join Nick Wilde the ex-Highwayman and Judy Hopps the Paladin as they venture deep into the Weald to hunt a deadly and terrifying foe.





	The Pseudodragon

**Author's Note:**

> This is my late submission for the Swords & Sorcery TT. A big thank you to ComicAnon for helping me understand the finer aspects of the english language and his plentifull advice!
> 
> This story can be seen as the follow-up to "The Necromancer", but it can be read as a stand-alone piece.

We have scoured the Weald for almost a fortnight, and Carrots and I grow tired of it.

 

The dense wood offers very little light- despite it being noon- and the creepy aura of this place is unsettling, even to an experienced campaigner such as I. I'll admit that hunting down a Pseudodragon doesn't ease my mind either, but a bounty is a bounty and a fox has got to make a living somehow.

 

The creature is hard to track down; we have to rely on a magic lantern to hunt it. A truly remarkable artifact, small enough to fit in the palm of my paw yet somehow heavier than it should be. An Object this size should weigh about as much as a chicken's egg, whereas it's weighted like a full tankard. The closer we are to a strong source of magic, the brighter a pale blue light it will emit. It channels the ambient magic in order to burn, and a being of magic inevitably leaves a trail.

 

Our target is the only thing really magic here, so it will work, but it is proving tedious to do so. The lantern is by no means an accurate apparatus. It feeds on magical energy, so it grows brighter when we're on the trail and dimmer when we're off it. Combined with the density of the Weald, navigation proves to be trying at best. _Stil_ _l,_ _the coin will be worth it,_ I keep saying to myself. _If we don't get eaten, that is._

 

I tighten the grip on my flintlock at that thought. My rapier is good and all, but in terms of damage a solid lead slug is simply more devastating. Not as devastating as getting hit by the zweihänder of Judy Hopps the bunny Paladin, but still.

 

The monstrosity is not the only thing in these woods that goes bump in the night. There are many creatures that I had no need of seeing, much less fighting. Like spiders the size of my lapin companion, for one thing. And, of course, the odd outlaw trying to make a quick buck. _Except attacking a monster hunting party is rarely a wise choice and they met their fate in the form of a pissed of_ _f_ _bunny Paladin and me, her canine companion._

 

Thinking about it, meeting the Paladin has ushered in interesting times indeed. I'd never have imagined it when I chatted her up in the tavern of the Burrow Hamlet: I just thought about hustling her out of a bit of coin in a card game, or maybe share a bedroll, if things went accordingly. But her natural competitiveness escalated the harmless game and before I knew it we were on this quest to hunt down our mad prey.

 

_Brilliant Wilde. As usual you're making sound decisions._

 

The lantern is glowing softly, very softly. We are far away from our target, but near enough to actually track it. It should be within five miles of us, but with the way the Weald is, it could as well be on the other side of the planet.

 

“Think we'll find it this year, Hopps?” I quip at my companion.

 

“I should hope so! My family is expecting me for solstice!” she replies easily with a grin.

 

I give a small laugh at that. I got to admit, being at her side almost makes this whole endeavor seem worth it in on itself.

* * *

 

We rest at what passes for dawn around these parts. A small enclosed clearing is our sanctuary for tonight.

 

The fire I managed to produce crackles in a most welcome way and manages to expel the eternal twilight of this place. We were lucky while foraging, actually catching a small lizard this time. A red fox can sustain himself with berries and other veggies, but now and then a little meat is appreciated.

 

We are still in our armor, Judy in her full plate and I in my chain mail and lizard leather. As comfortable as disrobing would be- and for quite a bit of reasons, let me assure you- doing so in such a hostile environment would be fool-hardy at best.

 

“What are you going to do with your part of the bounty,” I ask her, “donate it to the church?”

 

“Actually, I thought about spending it on booze and in the brothel,” she replies with a smirk as I sputter, “but your suggestion is probably the more sensible one.”

 

I laugh hard, tears in my eyes. The fire and companionship help me relax.

 

“What about you, Slick? Any Lady that you're going to spend your money on?” she now asks me with a leer.

 

“Now that you mention it, there actually is one,” I reply, while putting a paw under my chin.

 

She appears to be taken aback by that. And a bit hurt; her ears droop slightly.

 

“Really now?” she follows up with a small forced laugh.

 

“Yeah,” I reply, while redirecting my green eyes to her violet ones, “there was this gray bunny Paladin I was pretty into,” I whisper in my most salacious voice whilst getting close to her, almost purring the words into her big ears.

 

And her big ears flush fiercely at that, an interesting shade of red. We're having a moment here and I am not sure in which direction I want to take this. Indecisiveness is not my style, but there is something about this rabbit that makes me pause.

 

I could laugh it off with a ‘gotcha’ and retain the status quo, but in reality, I don't want that. I want her, I realize. I, Nicholas P. Wilde, an ex-highwayman, desire this fierce creature that is Judy Hopps. Life is funny like that.

 

Before I can come to terms with my epiphany, Carrots has beaten me to the punch, quite literally, as my now slightly hurting shoulder insists.

 

“Snnrk- you really got me there Nick! Almost feared for my virtue back there,” she snorts out between laughing, actual tears in her eyes.

 

I can live with that- for now.

* * *

 

We are close now, so very close. The lantern is glowing stronger than I have ever seen it shine and Carrots assures me that we are within a few hundred meters of our draconic enemy.

 

While I dread the fight- in contrast to my very confident companion- the thought of the reward and of finally leaving these cursed woods is motivation enough.

 

Anticipation sharpens my awareness and for the first time since five days I actually register my surroundings.

 

The trees are old here; the whole Weald is old, but this has got to be the heart of it. The wilderness here radiates maliciousness in a way no non-sentient thing should be capable of. Nature itself is twisted in this place, and it reeks of ancient evil.

 

And rot. The smell of decay is pregnant in the stagnant air, though it doesn't reek of decomposing flora. It's the stench of death and its indignity.

 

There is a suspicious lack of activity around us: there are no birds or other beasts around these parts it seems. As if they knew to stay away from this place, which isn't that unlikely all things considered.

 

The bounty for the creature had lackluster information, part of what made it an interesting challenge to my cute Paladin, but now I regret her decision. Pseudodragons aren't a danger like a dragon would be. They are about as tall as I am and venomous, but usually they are docile.

 

Also, they don't amass corpses, which explains the bounty on its head.

 

“We are closing in on its lair!” I whisper-shout to my comrade in arms, to which she nods.

 

She is on high alert, I can tell. Her ears are stiff as a board and constantly rotate to locate any errand sound and her two-handed sword is firmly in her paws.

 

To be honest, I feel far safer besides her than I thought I could feel besides a bunny. It's not that they aren't fierce when push comes to shove, but you simply don't connect lagomorphs with martial prowess.

 

Unless the rabbit in question is Judy Hopps.

 

I tighten the grip on pistol and rapier and continue to stalk forwards. With Carrots at my side, I will prevail.

* * *

 

Never did I ever imagine something moving could smell this abhorrent. The drake seems to be infested. Its lizard body sports a few black spots. A black so dark, in fact, that they are lacking depth, as if it wasn't wholly three-dimensional.

 

_Disturbing._

 

It is currently feasting upon one of the corpses in the clearing serving as its den. The sharp crack of bone and the soft ripping of flesh fills the stale air.

 

The beast raises its head from the chest cavity of its hapless victim- a sheep if I were to guess- and sniffs the air. I can now see that its face is as rotten as its body; most of its teeth are exposed due to the lack of flesh on its snout.

 

_Yep, definitely not a healthy and sane specimen. Wonderful._

 

“HeLP mE!” it now shouts and I almost answer. Pseudodragons can mimic voices, a disturbing trait in a predator this intelligent. I can feel Carrots stiffen behind me, the panic in its stolen voice is getting to the both of us it seems.

 

The poor bastards must have been lured in by that cry for aid, which it must have learned from one of its former victims. Involuntarily my paws perform gestures of warding- not that it will do me any good, I am neither mage nor priest.

 

I take a moment to check my gear- a nervous tick of mine, but also a good precaution against unwanted surprises. My flintlock pistols are all loaded, one is in my left paw, my trusty rapier, in my right and yes, Judy is still besides me. Things are about as good as they are going to get, I suppose.

 

It is definitely wary of our approach, but hasn't quite figured out how close we are. Its dragon-like head twitches in our vague direction, and I get the feeling that we'll have to act soon.

 

I turn to whisper to my companion, “I think a tactical approach is in order, Hopps. I'll open up with my pistol and then-”

 

“Yee-haw! Face justice, Pseudodragon!”

 

_Oh, for fox's sake. Carrots is already charging the creature!_

 

Uttering several curses and some choice words about rash decisions and early graves, I follow her into the merry melee.

 

The abomination is not intimidated by our incoming assault, but eyes us in a most sinister way, that's making me shudder. _Far too intelligent,_ I decide. It jumps from its latest victim and meets us head on.

 

Its tail rises, much like a scorpion's would, and, judging by the black stuff oozing from the end of the sharpened tip, we don't want to be hit by that. It snarls at the offending bunny Paladin and parries her savage oberhau coming down straight upon it. Not only that, but it manages to actually grab the very sharp zweihänder, a feat that would have cost me limb and life!

 

_Not good._

 

“Nick, do something!” I hear her yell as she tries to wrestle the control of the blade back while keeping out of range.

 

“You sure? Looks like you got it handled,” I quip as I position myself to her left.

 

“Son of a nutcr- whatever you plan on doing, do it frickin' now!”

 

The crack and whip of the musket shot is deafening, and the muzzle flash temporarily lightens up the whole clearing. Seeing the little bugger recoil from the hit is satisfying.

 

Capitalizing on its momentary distraction, my cute Paladin manages to free her sword and reclaims the initiative. The thing is really ticked off now, spitting and hissing at us. That doesn't hinder Carrots though, as she is well protected by steel plates.

 

Again she tries to bludgeon the creature with her weapon, but as before it manages to deflect her strike.

 

“Would you mind holding still you-” I hear her angrily shout as hit after hit bounces of its clawed paws.

 

As amusing as this little show is, I mustn't forget the lethality of this encounter. This creature will kill and eat us, given the chance.

 

My shot did not penetrate, its hide is apparently made of sterner stuff. The rapier will have to do the heavy lifting now.

 

As Judy keeps it busy, I mentally prepare myself for my little heroic deed and before I can come to my senses I jump forward and try to bury my lithe weapon in its internal organs.

 

To my horror the point bounces of the beast.

 

_Oh, sweet hot indian tea._

 

My attack has left me wide open- a rookie mistake- and I can already see the pointed tail of the Pseudodragon strike towards my exposed chest. I see my life flashing before my eyes and it is not all too impressive, I must say.

 

Before I can even begin to regret the entirety of my poor life choices, Judy has tackled me, pushing the both of us out of harm’s way.

 

“Darn it Slick, that was your plan? Catch its tail with your torso?” she acidly coughs as the both of us get back onto our feet.

 

_I deserved that a bit. Still, I should get points for trying._

 

The infested reptile keeps pushing. We are not in a good position. Suddenly, it's eyes begin to glow faintly and the lantern around my neck brightens like a small star.

 

I can feel the monster scraping against my mind.

 

I can feel its hunger.

 

I can feel its hatred.

 

“J-judy, we need to run! There is n-no way we can defeat this monstrosity!”

 

The thought of being feasted upon is sickening, but what disturbs and saddens me more is the fact that Judy will also die. I want to cry but no tears escape my eyes.

 

I almost drop to my knees. A quick look to my right confirms that my Paladin is also affected, but hers is not an expression of defeat. Carrots radiates righteous fury and glorious anger in the face of her enemy.

 

“By the gods, I will not waver in the face of the enemy! Come, Nick! Together we can do it! This foe can be beaten, it can be killed!” She begins to murmur prayers of salvation as she answers the fiends’ onslaught. I find myself drawn in and determination fills my mind. _I will not become dinner to this wretched thing!_

 

My rapier joins the zweihänder and together we manage to halt the monster's advance. I fire the rest of my flintlocks in rapid succession, until my ears ring and I am out of pistols to shoot. Each hit bounces off, just as every strike of our melee weapons.

 

The sheer fury of our combined assault seems to catch beast on the wrong foot. It wavers and backs off a bit. I seize the opportunity; the fox is nature's opportunist after all.

 

There is one part in every mammal and creature on god's earth that cannot be armored. I punch my rapier through the Pseudodragon's right eye with such force that the blade flexes dangerously. It screams inmammalianly, a sound that should not be possible to emit by any creature, living or otherwise.

 

My thin blade is inside of its brain-box, but it still won't go down and I have to fight vehemently to remain in possession of my weapon.

 

I snarl at the abhorrent creature while using both paws to get the upper hand in this lethal struggle. With the mighty gekkering warcry of the proud vulpian race, I dive the rapier even further into the skull of my enemy, while twisting the weapon to the left. Something within in the creature finally gives and it goes down twitching like an epileptic during a thunderstorm.

 

Getting the blade out of there will be nasty business of the worst sort. As will be taking a trophy to back our heroic tale.

 

But before any of that, I turn to my partner in crime. Both of us are breathing hard from the exertion and her eyes are fully blown. She is always incredibly attractive, but right know she is positively glowing, and I'd take her right here and right now.

 

Alas, the stench and rotting corpses put a damper on things, but I still ask between huffs, “So Carrots, was it good for you too?”

* * *

 

“-and then he pulled the rapier from the things skull and asked me if it was good for me too!” Judy shouts out as she finishes our story- and her tankard.

 

Hearing my courageous companion boast about our exploits in the hamlet's tavern could become my most favorite past-time, I must admit. The fact that she has finally abandoned her armor in favor of form fitting trousers and a black blousson certainly adds to my enjoyment.

 

Her tale is answered with cheers and laughter, a rare occurrence in these haunted lands. Tonight, the tavern is about almost full: many mammals have come to congratulate our successful hunt, but I can tell that the novelty will wear off in an hour so.

 

I take a deep gulp form my own tankard, the beer I got served being far colder than Carrots ale. The rich flavor is tantalizing to my starved taste buds- twenty days in the Weald will do that to a mammal.

 

Looking back at my companion I can tell she has asked me a question and is expecting and answer to it.

 

_Huh, must have lost track of time._

 

“Sorry Sweetheart, what was that? I was lost in thought,” I apologize.

 

“Mmmh- I bet you were,” the rabbit replies with a smirk. “I asked you if you wanted to take this celebration somewhere more... private.”

 

I almost spit out my drink at that candid proposition, but mama Wilde raised no fool, so I quickly nod and offer her my arm.

 

After a bit of maneuvering, we manage to extract ourselves and a small keg from the ongoing celebration. The both of us choose to ignore the wolf innkeeper's suggestive grin and make way to our abode for the evening.

 

It takes a lot of willpower not to do something stupid before we reach the privacy of the room, but I manage. Judy's scent tells me that she is having similar feelings, which is confirmed when she grips the base of my tail. The sensation almost makes me topple over.

 

We reach our sanctuary not a moment too soon and I throw the giggling bunny onto the bed, before closing the door more forcefully than necessary.

 

I lick my chops, eyeing my prey, and I ask in a husky voice, “Ready for my carrot, Carrots?”

* * *

 

“Sweet cheese and crackers Nick, that was awful!” yells the annoyed bunny to my right, who has currently buried her face in her blushing ears.

 

“Couldn't help myself, dear,” I reply with a smug smirk.

 

“Guys, not to be a party-pooper, but that isn't the kind of RPG I want to be a part of,” throws in Clawhauser, our trusty friend and dungeon-master.

 

My ears flush a little at that: we did get carried away. Still, I manage a convincing laugh as Jude's ears find even darker colors of red to turn into.

 

“Yeah sorry Ben, let's continue our campaign another time,” I apologize.

 

He nods at that and starts to collect his stuff from our dinner table. There is a surprising amount of stuff used in a pen and paper role playing game.

 

“At least this time you managed to survive,” he cheerfully declares.

 

I snort at that, the Necromancer from our last campaign killed us off rather brutally, which is why we asked him for a slightly more beginner-friendly encounter this time around. Being cocky got our characters an untimely grave, nice of him to let us reuse them. I have grown rather fond of the Paladin and Highwayman team we got going for us.

 

My gaze drifts to my dear Carrots, whose ears are still blushing like there is a prize to be won, but at least she isn't burying her face in them anymore. Instead she is directing her eyes to mine. Her expression is my most favorite one, equal parts of fury, embarrassment and passion.

 

_This is going to be a fun evening indeed._

 

“So, when's your shift starting tomorrow?” I ask for the sake of making conversation.

 

“Eh, I have tomorrow off, this kitten is going to sleep in!” the big cheetah exclaims merrily. It is hard not to feel blithesome when in the company of Benjamin Clawhauser. His happiness is infectious like the flu.

 

I escort our guest to our door, and the three of us give our farewells, before I close the door of our apartment and turn to Judy.

 

“So, where were we?”

* * *

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this, comments and kudos are most welcome!


End file.
